Dang......... my mind is racing now

To start.........IDK.

Hmmm it's so late it's almost early.
When's mom getting back?


Goodnight Wǎnān.

Walking on a dream

We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it.............*high-pitched words I can't decipher*


Watching my mome hobble/walk makes me feel rrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaalllllly terrible.
I think I maybe failed my PSSAs.........yay......I'll get to be a senior for a year longer then everyone else...........................wooooooooooooooooooo.


Uhh.....what else?

mom wants me to go to bucks&I'd do it but she won't let me regular pioneer too....or if i do she won't let me use her car and I can't get my permit when I turn 18 cause I 'Haven't earned it" so I could go against theocratic direction, ignor the fact that I'm still under my parents roof and get someone else to take me to the DMV but if I do ,she won't help me buy a car or let me use her's.....

Sometimes I forget that my dad is head of the house....

is that tterrible?

I was gonna ask bro. Davey is depression was a sign of not enough faith or what ever...but I didn't cause that'd be obvious.

I wish Ron hadn't movd out....I feel like I have to face my family by myself now, which is a terrible thing to admit considering they are witnesse s too....



Oh, and I feel betrayed by my 3 closest friends, so eventhough I'm aware of my trust issues, I don't think I'm wrong to have them. Does that still count as denial?

eric...bleh,

I'm supposed to be doing Chinese hw now but grayce lifted my computer so I can't


I could write about what's happing in the lives of others around me...but this is my diary so I feel I can be completly selfsentered when I update if I feel like it.


Ok... ...hmmm this is making my head race agin.

bye.

Eyesuck

I take back, taking back what i previously took back, I hate myself/feel terrible/have no worth in my eyes/ feel unworthy of Jehovah's love.

I can't get thoes words outa my head or make it stop hurting

Wow, ok so.....growing up and learning and maturing.....being young, it's like banging your head against a wall...it take me so long to learn anything and nothing is a simple as in was when I was younger......everything I think is one way....a week later is the oppoisie of what I think it is....Eerything is changing all the time..and confuzing.....and ...I don't understand......I don't understand and it's scary.....

I DON"T UNDERSTAND!

So, ok, I'm turning over a new leaf, I will forget my post from yesterday.
It's not failure, it's just...not getting it right.....yet.

But I can one day, and I will, because I can.
Jehovah doesn't let us be tested beyond what we bare, so...if he has faith that I can do it then, I can.


Otherwise, what I've learned recently is: The opinions of adults is not infallible, I shouldn't let them decide for me ,I have to learn to reason and weigh out the consequences of my actions for myself. I will not hang on every decree comming fro the mouths of well meaning adults, that is not to say that I know everythng, I just mean I won't odey blindly anymore.


Growing up is very, very, very hard, it hurt alot of the time, but others have survived it with more adversity and so can I.


Jehovah loves me.