Forget all this wishes...

I said before and go away. Pull your head out of your butt and never bother me again.

I'm better off without the both of you and I'm not giving up my real friends and my happy memories because of you.

You didn't even say sorry, you had hours to tell me and I had to confront you first? I deserve better then an over sexed, immature, selfish, stupid, deceitful, brazen, snake charmer like you.

After the first time I told the elders, I didn't want to sext anymore, I did it because I thought you wanted to, and if you were happy I'd be happy.
That was foolish of me because it pulled me in even deeper and I didn't care about anyone but you. You narcissistic, asinine, jerk.

You don't even care how you hurt us but I hope one day you feel this way too si you learn your lesson. You can't get away with whatever you want.

You didn't even try to break my heart gently you just let me keep acting like a fool for you, not bothering to even tell me straight up...I hope you hurt one day too.

I...

I don't understand what I did to change your mind about me....I wish it wasn't like this....I wish I could go back and explain...

I don't know if I can still be friends.... Not for a long long while

...

I wish I could stop shaking ad crying, I wish that everythingi touch didn't have your name on it. I'm sorry I hounded you, I though that you wanted it too. I guess this is what I get for putting YOU. Before JEHOVAH. I wish so badly that you had just talked to me.... Because I really did do everything for you. I did stuff I didn't want/ new better then to do because I thought it would make you happy.

I wish so badly you had told me so we could've tried to work it out. I wish you didn't let me continue thus far thinking you still had feelings for me. I wish I didn't love so hard and so much and so fast. I wish I could get up as fast as I fell. I wish you had told me first, before you told her. I wish she hadn't called you and cursed you out.

I wish that your happiness didn't still matter to me. I wish I wasn't such a bleeding heart. I wish I could hold a proper grudge. I wish my wishes cane true I wish I didntvhave to go to work & listen to love songs on pandora all day.

I wish you played fair. I wish I played fair. I wish I could move on like she dud, I hope you can to....

I wish I didn't live here anymore. I wish I could beat you up. I wish you had been clear with me, I'm like a boy I don't get subtlety.

I wish we didn't know so many of the same people now.

I wish to be moved on and over you next time I see you. I wish o didn't know so much about you, so then everything wouldn't remind me of you.

I wish you had just told me so I wouldn't feel like a idiot for ignoring my gut feeling.... Cause it was right about everything......I wish my family wasn't going to ask me what's wrong....

I'm sorry.... I wouldn't have done any of that if you said: noodles stop I don't want to mess up again. Or if you said : I'm being weird and distant on purpose because I'm not sure how I feel,

Simple.as.that

I wish your happiness hadn't meant more to me then jehovah's.

I wish To stop the urge to go hook up with any random guy to numb the ache in my hart

I wish you had less wonderful....

I wish you hadn't let me say all those things to you if you knew you didnt feel this way about me anymore.

I wish my personal estimation of my self worth did not depend on the love of a man.

I wish you had told me what was going on...i always told you, which is. Big deal cause i don't normally tell abtone what's going on in my head.

I wish I had had the will power to step back and use the time apart to grow like I wanted to.

You mattered too much to me.

Instead of keeping you close I effectively push you away. Like I always do.


I'm going to try my best to get back to where I should be... I'm just not ready.

Thanks for the lesson. I hope the next time I see you I'm grown enough, and or moved on enough to keep it together.



In the words of cee-lo....well...you know


I'm floating between being angry, and feeling hopeless.

How could you? you KNEW I still loved you...why couldn't you just tell me you cooled off?

I wish I hadn't ruined your life...I wish you hadn't asked me to marry you....I wish you hadn't let my hopes get soooooo high.

I'm tired of wishing... Tired of you.... We'll be friends. Believe me I will not take you seriously anymore.

IDK what my problem is....

See here I feel weak and shallow cause I was just thinking today maybe I just love being loved by him....I don't know because I've never been in love...I do't know if this is just how it feels when you have to be away from that person.

Ugh.....I just feel really....*bleepy* about myself without him. I feel like that's a bed sign because you shouldn't expect being with someone to fix you, you need to have yourself contained to be happy with someone else....That's what I'm told anyway.

I really think that the way our friendship is right now is not condusive for anything good, so I'm really really going to try and wait to talk to him untill he get's back. I want to always be friends at least...no matter what cause I love him and even if time proves that we're not IN love with each other, I will still love him.

He's great, have you ever met him? Well...if you ever had, you'd know....he's great....

There are few things I question...in fact it's pretty much just one thing that makes me question our compatibility and it's really simply because boy roll different then girls do in the emotions department.

I don't know..I wis I had someone to ask for advise but I never do because I don't tell people what's goin on in my life ever. I think it's almost worth it tough.

I know he thinks i'm crazy because I let this bother me.....

I wish I wasn't so insecure....

I just want to love and feel loved...

ALSO sometims I just get really tired of being different even from people who supposedly have the same standards as me.....

*yawn* enought of this heavy stuff.

Innnnnnnnnn other news...I think we'll maybe might move to hatfield....that would make me very happy :D

now what else make me happy? Leave it to beaver, that show is so lame.

Rawr but for realy I feel really sick today...*pukes a little*

More self inflicted drama.

Not worth it. I still don't matter for anything but my body. The one who matters to me turns a blind eye. I want to matter for more. I'm searching for happieness in all the wrong places, this made it worse & i want to die. Nothing i do is gonna fix the mess inside of me.

I should just die.

I could use a hug, but not from anyone. I feel betrayed by everyone, even people who haven’t done anything to me. The firewalls are officially up, no one gets in anymore. I let myself be put into a place that I never wanted to be again. I feel cheap. The person who made me feel valuable, well he’ll inevitable float away, I can feel it happening already. I don’t want to lose him though…Every other male figure in my life clearly just wants to use me. I want to curl up into a ball & waste away, because I feel useless.

Every girl, no every person, wants to feel valuable but I don’t. I feel cheaper then dirt. I’m that extra sparrow you could get when you bought 4 for sacrificing at the temple.

And the girls don’t understand. I can’t tell them, I can’t make them understand. I can barley explain it to myself. I can just feel it. And it does not feel good.

I’m not going to lie, it feels good when it happening. But I still felt guilty. Now I feel like I don’t want anyone anywhere to touch me ever again.

But I need a hug.

I don’t make sense. Like I said, I can't explain it, I can just feel it.