IDK what my problem is....

See here I feel weak and shallow cause I was just thinking today maybe I just love being loved by him....I don't know because I've never been in love...I do't know if this is just how it feels when you have to be away from that person.

Ugh.....I just feel really....*bleepy* about myself without him. I feel like that's a bed sign because you shouldn't expect being with someone to fix you, you need to have yourself contained to be happy with someone else....That's what I'm told anyway.

I really think that the way our friendship is right now is not condusive for anything good, so I'm really really going to try and wait to talk to him untill he get's back. I want to always be friends at least...no matter what cause I love him and even if time proves that we're not IN love with each other, I will still love him.

He's great, have you ever met him? Well...if you ever had, you'd know....he's great....

There are few things I question...in fact it's pretty much just one thing that makes me question our compatibility and it's really simply because boy roll different then girls do in the emotions department.

I don't know..I wis I had someone to ask for advise but I never do because I don't tell people what's goin on in my life ever. I think it's almost worth it tough.

I know he thinks i'm crazy because I let this bother me.....

I wish I wasn't so insecure....

I just want to love and feel loved...

ALSO sometims I just get really tired of being different even from people who supposedly have the same standards as me.....

*yawn* enought of this heavy stuff.

Innnnnnnnnn other news...I think we'll maybe might move to hatfield....that would make me very happy :D

now what else make me happy? Leave it to beaver, that show is so lame.

Rawr but for realy I feel really sick today...*pukes a little*

More self inflicted drama.

Not worth it. I still don't matter for anything but my body. The one who matters to me turns a blind eye. I want to matter for more. I'm searching for happieness in all the wrong places, this made it worse & i want to die. Nothing i do is gonna fix the mess inside of me.

I should just die.

I could use a hug, but not from anyone. I feel betrayed by everyone, even people who haven’t done anything to me. The firewalls are officially up, no one gets in anymore. I let myself be put into a place that I never wanted to be again. I feel cheap. The person who made me feel valuable, well he’ll inevitable float away, I can feel it happening already. I don’t want to lose him though…Every other male figure in my life clearly just wants to use me. I want to curl up into a ball & waste away, because I feel useless.

Every girl, no every person, wants to feel valuable but I don’t. I feel cheaper then dirt. I’m that extra sparrow you could get when you bought 4 for sacrificing at the temple.

And the girls don’t understand. I can’t tell them, I can’t make them understand. I can barley explain it to myself. I can just feel it. And it does not feel good.

I’m not going to lie, it feels good when it happening. But I still felt guilty. Now I feel like I don’t want anyone anywhere to touch me ever again.

But I need a hug.

I don’t make sense. Like I said, I can't explain it, I can just feel it.

hmm I think I have to learn how to be a person strong enough to stand on my own.

You tiny brained wipers of other peoples bottoms!

Helloooooo. I did a bad. I have gluten. I'm not supposed to eat it and my my innards hurt.

It's always nice to know that your parents hate each other.

Talked to dan tonight. I felt very must like a desperate loser grasping @ straws,beggin almost, for ppls friendship. I'm hopeless

I just had an opifamy?...apithiany?...my brain has decoded a usefull life lesson& methinks I understand a life something now!!

living in a generation of judging ppl based on their status updates, It's pretty sickening.

You know who I love?
Teagn & Sarah

Some (possibly self created) drama today & yesterday, I don't feel like re-hashing it though.
I don't know why I text him still...no matter what he says it just irritating & makes me want to punch him


http://vegetablejapan.blogspot.com/

I don't miss you anymore. Maybe I never did, I do tend to confuse my emotions alot

Yeck. I feel all yucky. I'm uncapable of sorting out my heart feelings.

HA! I'll be 21 on 12.21.12. So o read as 12.21.12=21 I love patterns

I MISS TALKING TO DAN.

I hate heart ache and i hate that i'm so insecure that i hang on everything paul says and that i let myself get so upset when paul doesn't text me back.

Paul Suarez, you make my heart ache & cry. I wish I never met you.

oh my god.


Everything is falling apart.

I have this overwhelming feeling of 'no one cares.'

Ugh. I'm such an irritating loser.

I have my next year goals figured out. Thank you lehmuai for clearing my head

I so hate myself today. I feel cheap.

Holy cow i didn't in to sleep until 6:30 am. This is new personal best for me

You know that omg my life is a pit of dispar? That's me, right now.

I'm reeeeeeeeeally depressed.

I had a dream that i was an astronaut :)

ever notice how everytime anyone anywhere ever does anything@anytime it's the wrong thing?

I'm sort of heartbroken & crushed in spirit. my painful spots need binding.

Ah wow. I hate myself sometimes.

Everything in the whole world is dim,grey, and terrible right now.

To be fair, My Mom is not crazy like I probably make her sound.

fact: Yahoo! was originally called 'Jerry's Guide to the World Wide Web'.

iHate: finally gettin a2hr delay&family keeps interrupting my slumber/R&R with words!

Sigh.i really don't like dallas area.