The WT today was very helpful.

I know what I'm looking for, & I'd love for justin's eyes to be opened like mine were. But oh well. I won't settle for less then I need.....even if I want to. He doesn't even love me though....never will either....but other boys that may or may not cone along, I wont settle for someone who can't provide what I need spiritually. That's important.

But that song.... 'the first time ever I saw your face' was plating while i was studying, reminded me if Justin.... and how I wish I still mattered to him. But even if I did I know I'd still have to say no till he learns some things and were past 'the bloom of youth' & he learns what I had to learn about priorities.

I really miss Alex..... But it's like the elders said, there comes a point where you have to put your spirituality above other people.....=[.... I struggle with feeling like a terrible friend but honestly before everything blew up again she said she would have done the same thing 'what she wanted to do & screw what otter ppl want'....so I don't understand why she went off.... I know how I screwed up & i get it but I didn't cause hr other problems or choices......and before anything even happened I always included her when we did anything...,cause I wasn't tryna 'steal' him.... I didnt even know he liked her... I just didn't have the beans to tell her right away like I wanted to..... but now I know better.....and as for me not being there for her.... Im sorry but I had to find soneone else to talk to as well... I didnt tell her every little sweet nothing that he said to me and everything that we did together and everything he meant to me because i know that when she would do that to me it made everything hurt even more. It's NOT unreasonable & selfish to NOT want to talk about it with her.



Coulda ended so much better..... She could be getting through the day too if she would draw close to Jehovah.... Not drift away from him & draw close to the world.....it's so depressing to think about it.... and ive been finding out a lot about her lifestyle before (When we were friends) that she didn't tell me that , if I had known, I would have stopped hanging with her a long time ago... I had a feeling but I dismissed it. Who knows maybe if I had listened to my gut I wouldn't have lost myself and fallen back into my old ways.