To: alex

Ok, since I had to contain my defense, I'm blogging it.

I did let myself develop feelings for him when i knew you liked him, I did let it lead to sexting and I did get in over my head. I'm not the first girl to do stupid stupid selfish things for a boy. Not that this makes it less selfish but I didn't know you were in love with him & I didn't know he liked you. When I found out he "kissed" you I couldn't eat for a week until I told you what happened, I felt bad because I hurt YOU.

I've had to deal with the consequences of MY actions in the situation. So don't blame me for the fact that you two planned for two months to have sex. Don't make me feel guilty because you got pregnant. And I didn't put you in the mental ward. I didn't make you move to ky. You chose to,

You let me think that you were caught up in a moment when you had sex, but y'all planned it. Not. Cool.

Remember me asking you about me being with him when he got back? Well let me tell you this. I 100% would have dropped him if you had asked me too.

As for me 'not being over him' I AM over him, just like you were in november when you hooked up with chivonne & in january. When I asked you about Justin. But yet when Justin wanted you back, you wanted to be with him didn't you?

And don't you call me wishy washy. ONCE during this whole thing did I say I didn't want to talk to you for a while. I never even said I didn't want to be friends, I just needed space. Both times this went down, I sat and listened to you re-hash every painful detail, I'm sorry that u couldn't sit through the whole retailing of your sexual encounter, or all the proclamations of undying love her said to you. You seem to find my struggle with that to be selfish and ignorant, but here's the thing. I LOVED HIM TOO. It's like ripping open my flesh and pouring salt on my heart to hear the details so EXCUSE ME for only being able to endure days of talking about everything he did to you. You may recall if you think back that I cried alot, yes. But I tried hard not to spend every moment obsessing over how he did ME. Wrong to YOU. Cause it wouldnt have been considerate of your feelings. And it wasn't considerate of you to do it to me either. I know you have to talk everything you feel out in deep detail so I listened along as I could. I'm sorry my best efforts were not enough for you. I was trying.


I never did anything with the intent of hurting you. I just couldn't stop my feelings for him and after we started sexting I didn't know how to stop,

But seriously. What HE did to you is not my fault.